Mockingjay, the Aftermath
by ZakuReno
Summary: In third person's POV, mostly Peeta's reflection after Mockingjay and the start of his new relationship with Katniss."He wondered how her reaction when she woke up would be. Something not involving a hand stroke or her well trained fist would be nice."
1. Inaugural

Mockingjay, a symbol of hope and the sole spark that had managed to set the whole of Panem ablaze.

The girl on fire, a facade convincing enough to gain infinite fame from the blind Capitol and base the foundation of their miraculous survival.

Katniss Everdeen, a mess who was left after her sister's inevitable death. Not only as a mental avox for quite a long period of time but also a weak, unstable 17 year old left by everything that she had taken care of.

Peeta lifted the skinny girl from the empty living room's sofa with practiced ease and threaded up to her room, his attempts of silence immediately dying at his own heavy footsteps against the tiled floor. It wasn't like she would wake up after all, he bet her old self would.

The blonde male stared at his ex-counterpart and sighed in exasperation. Her cheeks had never been a healthy curve, but now he felt that he could easily poke a hole through the thin skin covering a sorry excuse of her cheeks and cheekbones with one of his fingers.

He could simply point out every inch of degradation on her physical body without missing a spot, but none of the insides he could state without missing anything. They were too much even for him sometimes. In times there would be snow, Prim's death which will never fit right in her mind, Finnick, Cinna and everyone who lost their life as her stepping stone, Effie, her mother and the list goes on. Oh, and don't forget Gale somewhere in there too.

It still surprised him that hunting would eventually make her dead on the bed like this, not waking up at his loud walk when usually she would have noticed him from a ten meter radius except if she was drugged. Or was she? Nah, the morphling should be out of her system by now and there was no way that she could get much down here.

A low hiss took his immediate attention from his forever crush and Peeta immediately found himself staring at a pair of yellow glowing slits just outside the window.

It took him awhile to realize that he wasn't staring at a new kind of wild mutt and offered his open palm to one of Prim's most prized pet instead. " Don't make too much noise." He whispered and watched as the still slightly scrawny cat mocked his own warnings by jumping and curling on Katniss' feet with soundless, practiced ease.

Buttercup received the blonde's petting nevertheless and growled in slight annoyance as the raven haired girl shuffled and slightly jerked her legs against him.

She was definitely starting her life over again, talking to her mom, Dr. Aurelius, sometimes Greasy Sae and accepting his own company again. But how long will it take to be even near her old self was the question itself.

He wasn't clearly complaining about it, he had regained almost 80 percent of his undying love for her and it wasn't bull for him to say that he would wait on her for another forever again, now that he was certain at least she got a little feeling for him. How much he could retain his sanity was the problem.

Even though he had recovered most of his original memories, the distorted images given by the tracker jacker's venom was still imprinted in his mind as if everything had just happened yesterday. And as much as he wanted to get rid of it, they still haunted him as soon as he was out of focus and off to nightmare land.

Peeta laid himself on his sides before enveloping the anxious girl with his strong arms, immediately calming her down even without him cooing comforting words.

Their bodies were already familiar against each other even though a lot of lonely, fretful nights had passed between the nights they used to sneak in and used each other as a comforting pillow. Maybe her, most of the time, but at least he also got some decent night's sleep every once in a while.

Her skinny form felt a bit weird but still fits well with his body, when he thinks about it now, this would be the first time that he had held her again since the quarter quell. He wondered how her reaction when she woke up would be. Something not involving a hand stroke or her well trained fist would be nice.

Not more than a year ago, they were as near as strangers, maybe not for him but yes for the girl who was lying on his arms and snuggling to his warm chest. Now look where they were, together on a bed...his old self would call him crazy if he had even hoped for this scene.

In a moment he was reminiscing his old, normal days in district twelve and the next thing he knew the scar ridden cat was snarling in protest before it jumped somewhere away as Katniss was flailing her arms and trashing as if her air supply had been cut off by an unknown force.

It took more than a few strokes of her hair and reassuring whispers from the blonde to wake her up gently, not wanting her to react reflexively on her first attempt of running from the bad dreams invading her every night. " Ssshhh, Katniss. Hey, it's me."

" Peeta?" She whispered softly between her harsh breaths. He could feel her muscles slowly relaxing under his gentle touch and her hands clinging to his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"You'll catch a cold if you keep sleeping on the couch, so I carried you up...and decided to join." Well, at least her hands weren't complaining. "What did you dream this time?" The artist asked without any hesitation. They were used to this routine in the past after all, him asking and listening while he himself relieved himself that the nightmares weren't just haunting him alone and sometimes vice versa.

"It's nothing new, just the past making an appearance." Katniss replied nonchalantly as she evened her respiration and almost had to force her hands from stopping his arm's blood circulation.

Peeta watched in new fascination at her distress and raised an innocent eyebrow before inquiring with an equal innocence in his voice. "Gale?" And surprisingly, the raven haired girl replied with the same vigor, for once.

"Gale?"

"Yeah, our old friend." Believe it or not, he didn't say this in a sarcastic tone. He had pretty much befriended the older male when they were infiltrating the capitol. Even had some late night, heart to heart chat about the girl they loved, who was ironically the same girl and luckily the one lying beside him too.

"No, it wasn't him. For your record, if you're jealous, I haven't been thinking much about him." She ducked her face down and covered her mouth with one hand as if she was trying to catch the words which had been said.

Then I'm allowed to be jealous? He almost caught himself asking if only he didn't think twice on threading the topic. It would be best if he didn't, never knew when she would get annoyed with her own uncertain feelings and kick him out of the room. Better change the topic then. "Okay then, just spill, Katniss. You know it always makes you feel better after letting it out."

It was a long pause and Peeta almost came with another comeback, when she finally lifted her head and stared straight at his blue orbs. Damn those gray eyes, it was quite a common one in the seams but her eyes just seemed different... stronger in a way, but now what he saw was a pair of glassy eyes which never fails to make his heart drop and knees go weak.

"It wasn't really a nightmare...there was Prim...mother and father back at home. We were having dinner when the peacemakers started to barge in and then" She took a deep breath to steady her faltering voice before continuing. " And then Snow was there and he just, he just started to choke me and I couldn't moved or feel anything except his cold hands...you woke me up at the right time."

By the end of the story, Katniss had buried her face against his chest, and he just regretted not stripping his shirt before joining her on the bed. To be honest, he missed their touches back in the games. It wasn't that he was happy that she was pretending the whole time, but after all those not so humble contacts, the long absence of her skin was something that had made him crave for her than anything he had ever felt.

"He's gone. He'll never be able to control and disturb our lives again."

" I know, Peeta. I just wished I had shot him before shooting Coin, they should've had less confident in me and gave me more arrows." He actually scoffed at this one and they stifled a short laughter before everything fell silent again.

"I miss them..." The huntress finally broke the silence, her voice barely a whisper.

"Me too." He was certainly missing a lot more people, his father, brothers and even his mother who was frankly not the best for the role.

When no more words were being exchanged and he himself had not bothered to cover his yawn with his busy hands between her long, braided locks, Peeta assumed that not one soul would be listening to his last question for the night. "We can do this every night again, real or not real?"

He wasn't sure if the answer was really real or just his hazy mind's trick. Well, he'll just have to find out tomorrow.

" Real."


	2. Episodes

_A/N: Decided to continue this story due to high demand (story alerts) and Alana Kallio's review, thanks for the support!_

_And yes I'm accepting requests for this fic, it can be anything which is relevant to the end of Mockingjay till the Epilogue. Remember that I'm just one PM away and don't disclose your plot bunnies in the review sections._

_And don't forget to review lovely readers! R&R _

_So now without further ado, the dreadful disclaimer for the next chapters of this story will be posted here. _

_I do not own any of the characters and setting of this fic! Can't sue me now, can't you. _

* * *

Peeta woke up with a start as his eyes jerked open, feeling the foreign warmth radiated against his sides and sighed in relief as soon as his eyes traced the brunette's sleeping form that was clutching his left arm like dear life.

Katniss' breathing was even, her chest heaving at a steady rate which seemed to be calming his own erratic heartbeat from his previous alarm. He couldn't even remember the last time he could enjoy watching her without being watched himself or hunted down by blood crazed tributes or both.

Waking up beside her had always been his favorite moments, it was always therapeutic, especially when he felt that last night's incident was just too dreadfully impossible to be true...or in this case the absolute opposite.

"_Gale?"_

"_No, it wasn't him. For your record, if you're jealous, I haven't been thinking much about him."_

What was that even supposed to mean? Was she trying to imply that Gale was no longer a part of her heart and it was finally his turn to take the spotlight of her life, or was it merely an act of defense to hide her true feelings? Who would she choose if the coal boy decided to come back? He wouldn't come back, would he?

The blonde frowned and spent a moment to stare hard at the brunette as if the answer to his previous questions would show up on her face before he sighed in defeat and immediately retained his soft expression back.

He wondered when this girl would realize the effect that she had on people and how easy she could push him to the brink of his sanity.

And he still chose to be with her after all that she made him go through, you ask? Yeah, he'd been pretty much head over heels since he first saw her back in the beginning of school and hadn't been able to take his eyes off her since he heard her sang. And look where patience had brought him now, less than an arm length from the girl he'd craved since forever. Well it wasn't only patience but a little hard luck of their names getting called at the reaping too.

And don't forget _surviving _the Hunger Games.

But as much as he wanted to stay in bed to see her dark orbs flickering to life at her first morning, or afternoon light, he still got some other morning routines consisting of dough kneading and lots of icings to take care of. So, after a few stroke of his free hand against her braided locks and a small kiss(on her forehead and nothing more or less he dared), he pelted her hands from his arm and went back to his house for a shower before heading to work.

* * *

Katniss woke up at the sudden absence of warmth and curled up into a fetal position for a long minute before blindly reaching her hand out towards the empty, cold sheets beside her as soon as she had gained enough of her sleep-induced mind.

She wondered how Peeta had always managed to wake up before her or...was last night just a dream? Nah, she was positive that she could remember him asking about her nightmare.

And Gale.

Yes, Gale Hawthorne, who honestly, hasn't really crossed her mind much since she came back to district twelve. They were just like those 'besties' in school who grew apart out of nowhere and stopped talking without any apparent reasons. Theirs had a strong reason though, Prim's death and both of the hunters' failure to keep their silent deal.

There was just that gaping distance silently agreed by both sides. Was it agreeable? She still couldn't imagine how they would feel if he came back, he wouldn't, would he?

"_No, it wasn't him. For your record, if you're jealous, I haven't been thinking much about him."_

She felt her face flush at the recollection of her own words and let a frown adorn her smooth -unlike other parts of her body- forehead. Frankly, she didn't know what had driven her to reply such a bold statement which implied that Peeta still loved her. Probably not, after all this mess that she'd become. And pity from him wasn't what she needed now, or so at least she thought.

"Peeta..." The brunette whispered his name without giving much thought before burying her wide eyes into the pillow in shame at her sudden fleeting thought.

It felt like ages since she had said his name and she liked the way his name slid off her tongue.

Katniss could only hope that this was the after effects of her recent under-the-rock lifestyle and nothing more. Enough was already going on in her head.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. I am at home, in District 12. I am Katniss and no more anyone's pawn with the cost of my only sister's life and a lot more sacrificed. _

* * *

The sun had began its descent as Peeta made his way back to the victor village, he would usually had to stay longer when his father and oldest brother were still around to force him spend some family time and give Katniss some air without him to breath. But now that nobody was left, there really wasn't anything to fill his time except bake, garden and bake again.

So, when he found that the primroses beside the brunette's house had been recently watered, he went in and wasn't surprised to find Greasy Sae already starting her magic for dinner. "She isn't back from hunting?" He asked as he passed by the kitchen counter and dropped some left over breads from the day.

"Should be, in any moment-"And as if right on cue, they heard the door slammed open and a fatigue ridden Katniss blindly dragging herself towards the nearest couch after a heavy thud of what seemed to be her game bag, immediately brightening the old, bony woman's mood. "Any fresh games?" He could almost hear the excitement from the elder's voice.

"Yeah, just some squirrel and rabbits, nothing big yet." Peeta walked towards the source of tired voice and before he could voice out anything, literally froze at the sight splayed on the couch.

Katniss who was lying on the sofa had drips of blood imprinted on her shirt, dried blood caked all over her face and most importantly traces of smeared, crimson liquid ran through her right cheeks from the thin, visible gash right above her eyebrow.

A shiver racked his spine and he could feel his every muscle went rigid as if already anticipating for the pain to come.

"You got the same wound in the first hunger games...to save me. Real or not real?" She jumped and immediately sat facing him as the male finished his query, her reply as hesitant as his voice was.

"Real." And not more than a second after his mind could register her answer, the pain shot through his head like fire spreading through oil and he could already foresee how he would lose control of his body and do what those images would force him to do.

"Peeta?"

He found himself bending on the floor and clenching his fist through his hair as if the pain outside could distract the pain inside. Katniss was shouting his name a considerable distance away as if he was a wild animal in pain which was still ready to attack, when Greasy Sae came and immediately helped him up.

"Treat her wounds...upstairs." Peeta managed to form the words in between gritted teeth and added a small please, to sound not too rude, the elder female immediately backed away from him and forced Katniss up through the stairs while he himself dragged himself to the confines of his house.

Everything was sickeningly off, Katniss was lying on her own pool of neon pink blood and the cave had an unnaturally bright moving interior as if it was covered by unique butterflies, ready to flutter its way to engulf him alive.

His stumbling legs were suddenly stuck on the floor without him realizing that the oddly colored blood had reached his foot and was spreading up his legs like twisted shapes of hands reaching up. The blonde frantically dusted his hands on them just to find it spreading faster on contact and let a whimper past in between his ragged breaths as he fought the urge to scream when a moth started crawling out of the brunette's gaping mouth.

She was clearly alive, wheezing and spewing out moths of different colors which were starting to surround him like the walls around him.

And all he wanted to do was force her mouth shut, wrap his strong hands around her neck to stop the mass moth production and ultimately cut off her connection to the world. But he had received treatments and was not that influenced into the images driven to his mind by the hijacking anymore, so instead he screamed, screamed and screamed until his every pore and perception was covered by pink fluid and insects that all he could hear was Darius and Lavinia's choked, guttural cries of agony.

* * *

Peeta woke up with a start for the umpteenth time of the night. He stayed still for a long moment, too shocked and petrified to look around for anything bizarre which would indicate the start of another new nightmare before flexing his hand and fingers for another minute as if any abrupt movement would shatter the stillness and trigger another horrid image in his head

The blonde pushed himself up from his living room's floor with trembling limbs and swayed dangerously as his fuzzy mind instructed his feet to step in front of the other and reach his room upstairs.

He didn't bother to close his door properly as he stripped from his sweat drenched clothes and place himself below the torrent of cold water from his shower.

Sick was an understatement of his feeling right now, he felt disgusted with his whole being. His every pore which had been filled with Capitol adulterated grime, blood and insects and his own mind for having all those images of deformed Katniss trying to kill him or vice versa.

He couldn't stop thinking what if the problem wasn't his hijacked conscience but had been his mind all this while, Tracker Jacker's venom always targets the part of brain which houses fear after all.

And that would mean that his greatest fear was to watch Katniss being turned into a mutt by the capitol. He knew that he have had enough with all the acts that she was supposed to do, he was already sick by that side of her, the side which had fooled him countless times and made him hard to trust her again but never could he thought that his greatest fear would be this.

Peeta scrubbed his body until his scared skin had turned red from the friction and finally dried himself once he was satisfied that every part of his body was cleaned.

The blonde was finally able to lie on his bed in ease as he sighed in contempt and pulled his blankets to his side, gathering it in his arms and trying to remember a certain brunette's warmth from the night before.

He missed those nights during the victory tour, even though he still couldn't tell if that was the real side of her or the capitol forced. But At least he was sure that she felt comfortable around him at her absence of nightmares when they were together.

And that was enough prove to keep him going until now.


	3. Slow steps

_A/N: Another chapter for all the sweet reviewers out there! Especially Amy Stardust, justsmile and all the others who reviewed the previous chapters! _

_Enjoy, R & R!_

* * *

_My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am 18 years old. The Capitol has gone down. Peeta is not free from the Capitol's hijack. They tortured him to break me. He is another man who lost his life because of me. He loves me no more. And I may just realize that I need him to survive my own living hell._

Katniss turned around for the umpteenth time on her bed tonight, tossing the blanket to the ground in the process. She couldn't sleep and the little sleep she had gotten so far was raided by heart wrenching images of almost everyone she knew, dead or alive.

Those wild, barely blue eyes, with killer intent directed at her had been haunting her ever since she saw it again this evening.

And that's when it hit her hard. A part of Peeta was still under the dead Capitol, just like her who still found it hard to move on from everything that had happened, with everything that was lost from herself and everyone else that she knew.

Peeta, the only source of her comfort left, was another name to add to her ever growing list of nightmare visitors.

The brunette sloppily slapped her wounded forehead and hissed at the sour pain, at least it helped her feel awake and not on nightmare land, even though she herself knew that being awake wasn't a better option at days like this. If only she hadn't day dreamt and noticed the branch right in front of her face. What was she even expecting when she saw him planting Primroses outside her house with those clear eyes, just one night and all her resolve was crushed by his comforting company? Was she hoping if she could use him like she did in the victory tour and the Quell, or was it something more than that?

The sounds of birds chirping outside her windows sent a wave of relieve through her whole mind. Even though she knew that sleep was the source of her nightmares and the time of day would not affect any of that, it just tricked her mind to think that she had survived another lonely night.

Katniss finally fought the urge to stay on bed and rose to move to the bathroom. She striped from her sweat drenched clothes and took little time to inspect her carved body, satisfied that time could at least heal her physical scars. Her skin wasn't multicolored anymore and the remains of the patches had turned into an almost invisible pinkish hue scattered along her skin.

She took her time to clean herself and stood below the shower for another long moment to clear out her mind. What were Doctor Aurelius' instructions again? Focus on the good things that had happened and recall them one by one? Did she forget to mention her tendencies to tire her brain out before she even had the chance to realize she was going further from the sane?

So instead of willing herself to use her tired brain, she decided to stick with her usual therapy, hoping that saying it louder than usual would fortify its effect from her negative mind. "My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am 18 years old. And I don't think I'm out of the arena yet."

* * *

Katniss' agitation had finally reached its peak. The bread boy had not shown himself since his sudden attack two days ago. And the only reason she knew that he was still alive and well was the breads which kept showing up in her kitchen counter twice a day ever since then.

She considered dropping next door like Greasy Sae had suggested yesterday but what if he wasn't ready to see her? Another episode of his wasn't something she was prepared for at the moment.

So, instead of immediately confronting him, the brunette went to the study room, in hopes that it would be less menacing today.

In all honesty, she was still pretty much evading the room since she came back to 12. The number of times she had entered the room was pretty much still countable with her ten fingers and that too, mostly made when she was either on her unstable mind or aggravated by the phone's ringing made by Dr. Aurelius' incessant calls.

It was the easiest place where her mind could play tricks on her. At first she had thought her mind were just a little dizzy and foggy from the fatigue of starting her normal routines again, but then she would start imagining things, moving shadows at the corner of the room, familiar whispers on her ears, the pungent smell of blood from his mouth and the perfect rose situated on the lapel of his suit. Then the mixture of the sickening smell would eventually choke her breath and leave her hyperventilating on her knees, gasping for fresh, unadulterated air which had never left her from the first place and screaming for someone to wake her up from another round of nightmare.

"_Look, Coin may have sent him there hoping he'd kill you, but Peeta doesn't know that. He doesn't know what's happening to him. So you can't blame him-"_

"_I don't!" The brunette screamed at the piece of metal on the collar of her mockingjay suit. She didn't give a single damn how insane she would be looking right now, shouting at herself out of the blue. Haymitch certainly didn't care as he continued._

"_You do!" You're punishing him over and over for things that are out of his control. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a fully loaded weapon next to you round the clock. But I think it's time you flipped this little scenario around in your head. If you'd been taken by the capitol, and hijacked, and then tried to kill Peeta, is this the way he would be treating you? "_

_And that shut her up big time. It was actually the first time she had thought about it that way. And no one better than her knew that the blonde would be treating her the exact opposite of how she was treating him right now. Shutting him out and ignoring him with great effort, better, blaming everything on his new temperament._

"_You and me, we made a deal to try and save him. Remember? " Haymitch actually dropped his tone at this, but after nothing but static from the other side, dropped the communication after a brief."Try and remember." _

A frowned adorned her smooth forehead at the sudden flashback before a ghost of a smile managed to creep in. Well, he definitely doesn't need that blasted earpiece implanted in her ear or any head shackle to stay in her mind twenty four-seven.

And without any warnings she suddenly found her legs stopping in front of the dreaded room.

Katniss took a deep breath and exhaled, repeating the supposedly helping notion from doctor Aurelius' advice before turning the rusted, brass doorknob and pushing it open with sheer force and not daring to move any step forward herself as if afraid something could jump out and attack her.

Silent greeted her from the dark and Katniss cautiously reached a hand towards the nearest wall, flicking a switch before the whole room was white and familiar again. The solid, mahogany desk in the middle and a box containing all the things which used to matter so much to her, untouched with happy memories that would trigger painful ones at the end, the very same way her life ended.

It was still amusing to her, how everything that used to mean so much to her life was turned into piles of junk right in front of her eyes. The spile which saved her life in the Quell, Peeta's locket that he used to persuade her from dying at their last, real night together, her mother and deceased father's wedding photo and the plant book. Reading it every day was already a routine in her old life that she swore she could read out each pages by heart but now there was no urge to distinguish her father's distinct handwriting from the other scribbles about various medical plants. It was disturbing how she ended up like this.

The brunette quickly flipped a few pages of the thick, old book without interest at the carefully written words in its yellow pages before her fingers instinctively moved to the cold surface of the spile and gold locket, opening it without giving any thoughtful thoughts.

And there was the never changing picture of Prim, her mother, and Gale on the opposite side. Her heart seemed to drop at the clear image of Prim right under her nose and she held herself from breaking down right there and then.

Prim, one of the small amount of important people left for her to fend for, which she failed to in the end, the small innocent blonde who was forced to mature before her actual time since her sister's hunger games debut and everything which had happened since then. Sweet Prim who lost her own life trying to protect others, including the older brunette's, when she was ironically the one who gave Katniss the will to live for quite a long time.

She stared at the small picture for quite some time, holding down her own gasps of grieve which was still threatening to escape her throat and the uncomfortable contraction of her cheek muscle.

If Snow was still alive, she was sure he would make it his main priority to laugh right at her pathetic face every single day he could spare. She definitely would if she was him.

The last time Katniss had felt this much urge to cry out her heart's content was when Buttercup showed up and reminded her of the bitter fact. It almost felt as if her mind was purposely blocking out everything which still haunted her dreams until tonight. Or she had simply started to forget things and Prim's picture made her remember everything again.

She jumped in shock as the brunette's line of thought was abruptly cut by a shrill ring of the forgotten communication device nearby and she swore under her breath in response that she was sure would gave Effie a heart attack.

Was it already time for Doctor Aurelius' call? Taking track of time and day was still proving to be a great difficulty for her these days, since there are still times where she would be unproductive and just lay on the sofa or any flat surface where she could drift away from her problem to another unreal problem.

"Hello." Her voice sounded too indifferent much to her liking and she wondered where the lump on her throat had suddenly gone to.

"Hello, Katniss? You picked up quite fast today, how was your day so far?"

"Nothing worth telling and Peeta...he got a flashback two days ago." The brunette forced her throat to spill the beans. It really felt wrong to talk to him about Peeta.

"That took longer than I've expected." She was sure the little explanation was enough for her therapist to understand what was going on but it wasn't his indifference which enraged her.

"You known this will happen all this time and you never even mentioned it to me?" Katniss hissed at the receiver but was immediately taken aback by the doctor's reply.

"What do you expect, Katniss, were you hoping for the old head over heels Peeta swooning all over you again? It wasn't just you who had been scared permanently after all this, Peeta lost his whole family, he was tortured not only physically. But at least he tries to move on, unlike you!" At some point the other end's tone had raised a great deal of volume, she didn't know if it was because he took pity on Peeta or he was just pissed with her cooperation which seemed like the opposite of Peeta's willingness to be healed. Or maybe it was the false report that he had to make to cover up their unproductive phone sessions getting into him.

Whatever his reasons were, the brunette was once again found guilty but she repressed the apology stuck in her mouth and once again resolved to silence, distracting her thoughts by flipping the old book to random pages and trying to recollect them to no avail.

Dr. Aurelius used her usual, long, unresponsive time lapse before her unpredictable reply to pull himself together and sighed when nothing came. "I'm going to hang up if you don't have anything else to say. Are you even still there?" He asked to no one but himself.

"I want to make a book."

"Pardon me?"

"A book, just like my family's plant book...we write about things that we don't want to forget." She added reluctantly at the doctor's silence and she swore she could hear him grinning through the phone.

"Okay then, you can be thrilled for the next train from the Capitol." Katniss waited for the telltale flat noise of the phone disconnecting, when the male added something which made her frown. "And don't forget to call Peeta for dinner or something, he needs as much help as you. And I know that you haven't seen him since his last attack."

Way to nail the end Doctor, she knew that he had all the rights to rub it all on her face at his very first victory against the obstinate Katniss everdeen, but she still couldn't help but think a plan of revenge for the next call. Speaking of which, the brunette finally remembered her original task at hand which brought her to the very room she was in. So, without any further delays, she cut the communication device's flat line and dialed the blonde's number.

It was after more than a few rings that Katniss concluded the blonde might not be home and almost hung up, when she registered Peeta's inquiring "Hello?" rather than a proper greeting.

Didn't Doctor Aurelius bug him as much as he often called her or was it just her exaggerating the number of the annoying calls? "Hello, Peeta."

"Katniss?"

"Yes, it's me. How are you?" She started the conversation lamely.

"I've been better, of course. What about you, it's quite rare for you to call me." Peeta and his now bitter humor, never failed to strike an arrow straight to her heart.

"Just wondering if you want to come over for dinner tonight?" She silently bit her lip before asking. The brunette was expecting a simple answer and a short conversation when apparently the odds wasn't in her favor, it never was.

"Is there any celebration going on?"

"No-I mean..." And she was at lost for words, since when did Peeta started to ask for reasons to come over? "I mean, I've been going hunting recently and there were quite a lot of meat that Greasy Sae doesn't want to waste, so she told me to call you for dinner." Great, now she suddenly had a busy schedule for today and no time to slack.

"No problem, I can come over for dinner."

"See you later then." Katniss finished lamely and shut the phone before any of them could make the convo more awkward, if possible.

After a long sigh of relieve and nothing more she allowed herself to indulge in, the brunette quickly collected her hunting gear and wasted no time in rushing to the woods. She still got plenty of space in her game bag to fill and let's just pray the sloppy snare that she managed to set up a few days ago could finally help her.

* * *

Peeta couldn't help but let a broad smile lit up his face for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Katniss was never a good liar to start with and doesn't seem to be improving, yet he still wondered how she managed to deceive him and the overall public in the past.

Tricked those who joined the rebellion that there was still hope to overthrow the capitol, make the Capitol citizens love her tragic love story with him and acted the whole returning-his-feelings in front of his face.

He couldn't help but blame the Capitol as the start of all this vicious cycle. The Capitol who'd drunk so deeply on the world's pleasure that human blood sport is the only thing left that can entertain them, the Capitol who had came up with something like the Hunger Games every year just to show off their power and forced their odds to throw them in it. And the same people who made him unable to meet the one and only girl that he'd ever love.

Yes, he wouldn't be like those other guys who never admitted their own feelings and act strong. Deep down in his brain he knew there was that a part of him which was afraid to see Katniss. What if those images attack his mind again when he sees her? The thought haunted him even though he tried his best to ignore it. But the blonde was sure that everyone would feel like this after countless struggles against those torturous things they injected to his mind, literally.

The blonde could feel his anger rose from the deepest depths of his heart at the thought and there was this strong urge to break something as he went back to his kitchen and expelled all the excess energy to his raw dough. There was really nothing else to do except bake these days, bake, water the plant and give bread to the workers (more like cleaners at the moment) in town.

What a new life this was.

He just hoped that katniss' opening up to him this week would lead to something good this time.


	4. Page One

_A/N: Shout outs to PeetaMellark'sKatniss__, __DreamReaderGirl and Amy Stardust for the reviews! They always keep me going! _

* * *

Katniss couldn't tear her gaze from the plain ceiling since her latest nightmare had woke her up. All of a sudden her body seemed to be sick of all those sleep she had gotten when she first arrived home and refused to do so again but it was kind of a relief that her body could reject sleep again, since she couldn't remember a night without disturbing images trying to break her mind lately.

Madge, quiet and kind Madge who was probably the only girl she could call a friend and not those bimbos in school who wasn't worth her time, had finally joined in the crowd of her night visitors. Honestly, it took longer than she had expected but it was probably because of her custom district twelve resemblances with Prim who had the basic fair skin, blond hair and blue eyes.

Her sweet sister's image that had been refreshed in her mind, by that small photo in the golden locket that she finally saw again a few days ago had haunted her without fail ever since then. Prim would either be burning as if she was on her first Hunger Games debut costume which Cinna made or burnt to crisp with only her petite frame, wide blue orbs and blonde locks left to distinguish her.

It was definitely killing her insides and at times like this she really ached for someone to wake her up from her own mind like a certain blonde would usually do before calming her down with sweet words and caresses.

Peeta did show up for the dinner and everything was normal again, breakfast together with bread, sometimes lunch when we were out of work, with bread and dinner with bread, again. Actually, she didn't think the word normal could ever be used around them again. There was just this tension around them which would never melt and let them be their normal selves whenever they were together. As if the hijack had severed the bond that was formed from the times spent together after their first Hunger Games.

That one night they had somehow spent together last week was probably the closest thing she had ever felt to normal in what felt like a lifetime.

The brunette finally pulled herself into a sitting position and wrapped her arms around herself. Her old self would never admit what she was feeling right now, but the deepest part of her mind would know that she really missed the warmth from his heat and secure from his strong arms that he used to provide her.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am 18 years old, I am back home but...nothing's back to normal and I'm afraid it'll never be._

* * *

Peeta gave the well risen dough a light squeeze before bringing it up above his head and slamming it down towards the hard counter. He knew that this current method of knocking back his dough was never a good way to process the bread, but it had been a habit which showed up whenever he was not in the mood since he was small. After coming home from his first Hunger game, a certain confession pretty much ruined his entire mood for a long time and the habit decided to stick.

The blonde absentmindedly brought the dough down without knowing that the loud, pounding noise had made a certain brunette, who had been fighting with herself for the past five minute in front of his door, worried sick.

"Peeta?" The unexpected voice made him jump and almost threw the dough in his hand. He immediately turned around and found a flustered Katniss standing outside his kitchen.

"Katniss? What are you doing here?" The brunette felt like squirming under his questioning gaze. It wasn't intimidating or anything, but she just felt awkward around his gaze these days.

"I-I just heard some noise and thought something was wrong." She bit her lip as she lamely struggled with her own words. "I'm sorry for just getting in, the door wasn't locked or anything so I just-"

"Its okay, Katniss." Peeta let a small smile formed on his lips at the brunette's nervous habit, but the sudden thought of his presence being the only source of her agitation immediately turned it into a frown. "So, what brings you to my doorstep. I don't think I was making that much noise. " Or he would've done it louder if it means Katniss coming every day.

"Do you remember my family's plant book?" Katniss finally sighed in relieve when the blonde turned his attention back to the kitchen counter before she took a seat on one of the stools.

Of course he remembered. It was one of the little evidence of their moments together which was salvaged from the bombing, he exclaimed in his mind but only answered with a short "Yes." as he continued slamming the dough down.

The brunette was indeed different from any girl he had ever known. He could bet his life that normal girls would've flinched around the banging noise he made but Katniss just stared at the dough in his hand, the wall beside him and basically...everywhere except his face.

"I want to make something like that."

"What happened to the old one?" Peeta was baffled for a moment, letting his guard down and showing an innocent, surprised look on his face. He didn't even know why he couldn't loosen up around Katniss anymore. It just came naturally since the hijacking.

"It's at home. I just want to make a different book for everyone else. Can you help me?" Katniss' unchanging expression didn't surprise him anymore. She was always able to pull a straight face at the hardest subject, while simple things gave her difficult times.

And Peeta immediately turned solemn. It wasn't hard to guess who 'everyone else' that she meant would be, Prim and the others who didn't have another chance to fix their lives anymore. "Wait for a minute, I'm almost finished." He stopped slamming the dough and started separating it into small balls instead.

Silence which had basically filled their small talks finally reigned. But it was a nice one for a change, Peeta who was deep in his bread and Katniss, lost in her indefinite thoughts again.

"Do you still paint?" The question came out of nowhere and he almost thought it was just his imagination till he turned and saw the brunette's gray orbs, for the first time in a long time, set on his face.

"Less often, but sometimes I try to paint something." It's true that he tried, and failed. Once was enough of attempt when the images in his head scared himself and decided to stick for the next few days instead of giving the usually opposite effect. It was quite an experience of self induced fear and made him feel like a madman. If he wasn't one already.

It was rather ironic, but he knew best that the old Katniss wouldn't bother asking about his life until it was exposed right in front of her eyes. She had changed in many ways, less uptight and more...open, in terms of wanting company. Most probably because of the heavy burden which was relieved from her shoulder, as well as part of her sanity with it.

"There, I'm done. Let's go back to your place." The blonde set the temperature at his oven after sliding in the metal trays occupied by raw, sweet and cheese buns and followed her out of his house.

The brunette had been hiding from reality for a few months since Prim's death. It had been hard for him to face all the lost too, but her inability to move on just worried him. She had started hunting and filling her days with some activity for the past few days, was this the last confirmation that she was ready to start her life again or was it just another form of punishment for all the deaths that happened around her. He really preferred the first than the latter.

A large box of parchments and some stationary sat on her living room's floor, right beside one of the rockers. Peeta took a considerate stack of the brownish paper and a pencil before placing it on the dining table.

And they were in total silence before the blonde finally asked. "What do you want to start with?"

"Lady and Prim." She managed a small smile at the thought of both of them. One of the happiest moments after her father's death in her life was watching Prim's expression when she first saw the dying goat on Gale's shoulder. It was a magic how the little blonde who lived in the Seams could be so kind and gentle to anything, pretty or not. Mostly the latter.

Katniss watched as the blonde suddenly scrunched his forehead and shook his head as if he was throwing something from his head. Her body went completely rigid at his uncertain mouth as it open and closed.

He knew that the memory was there, deep inside his brain, but retrieving it proved to be difficult as the pain started to invade his head whenever he tried to use a little too much of it."You told me how you got her...right?"

And she finally relaxed at his question. Honestly, she had anticipated something worst as the possible reactions that could come from him. "You remember? It was at the first Hunger Games, I told you that I traded it with an old silver locket of my mother's. Actually, the money came from a deer which I caught."

"I remember picturing it in my mind...Lady licking Prim." Peeta's eyes were now screwed shut, and for once it was Katniss who was worried about him and not the other way around.

"Can you draw it?" She asked hesitantly. As if he was on the edge of a cliff and one wrong word could make him jump.

"I'll try...I'll try." He opened his eyes slowly and stared at the blank paper for a long minute before he took the pencil in his hand and added small, gentle strokes of black graphite on it.

The brunette watched in awe as the blonde's face relaxed and immediately turned into a different set of concentration when the first stroke of his pencil left a mark at the empty sheet. She sighed and snuggled into her arms on top of the table when Peeta's every move on top of the paper settled in with the silence around her.

She was surprised at her lack of fluctuating emotions today. Maybe everything had come out when she first cried with Buttercup and her mother, or was it because of the last three night's nightmare with Prim as a recurring character, now everything just felt empty. Emptiness which she was sure she had gotten used to.

Katniss stared at the artist' movement as she usually did when he was working with her family's book in the past. She watched the shadow casted by his long, pale golden lashes with every movement of his blue orbs, how every stroke of his hand added color to the curves on top of the paper which hasn't formed anything yet, his frustrated body movement as he shifted and concentrated at a point in the picture and finally decided to erase it with the back of his pencil or just leave it as it is.

Peeta was one of the most laidback man that he had ever meet from district 12, Haymitch excluded, since he was almost never himself and more liquor whenever he wasn't serious. And it never failed to amaze her, the array of expressions he could display whenever he was painting or just sketching, while his daily face was most of the time only that gentle smile of his.

The blonde stopped without notice that it took her another moment to jump when she saw him staring back at her. "There was a ribbon...right?"

"Yes, do you remember the color?"

"Pink, right? It's still rough, I'll just bring my paint over and make another one." He handed the thick sheet which wasn't empty anymore and walked towards the door.

"It's perfect, Peeta." The brunette stared at the sketch in her hand and heard him stop behind her. She knew that Peeta was able to make a better portrait than this one, but the picture was just...beautiful, so beautiful that she couldn't stop staring at every curve of black that formed the details on the paper. Lady's thin face, the muscles constricting at its tongue's position on Prim's fair skin, the blonde's long, flowing hair which she used to brush almost every day, her gentle but strong eyes and her tender smile which used to be there to erase all the brunette's sorrows. "Isn't she beautiful?" She didn't even realize the streams of salt water from her eyes until she heard her broken voice and felt her cheeks which were completely wet with drops of it that had pooled on her chin before one finally landed on the parchment.

"She is." Just like her sister. Peeta managed a whisper at the sight of Katniss' scrunched up face and her attempt to cover her eyes to stop the leakage after placing the paper away. He held her wrists apart and let her hug his stomach so that her face was against the hard, clothed surface.

The blonde could almost immediately feel the wetness seeping through his shirt. He looked away and fought his own tears when he heard her cracked voice chanting how beautiful her deceased sister was, in between strangled cries from the usually strong huntress.

And he actually remembered two rare occasions similar to this during the long two years of their acquaintance. She was crying this hard at the second games, when the first force field they encountered stopped his heart for a moment before Finnick managed to revive him. And the shaking was as terrible as the jabberjay incident two days later left her with.

Everything was happening so fast that the next thing she knew, she was already sobbing freely against the blonde's embrace and producing horrible noise as if someone was strangling her. It made her realize that it was well due after all. Everything had accumulated again since the last time she cried with buttercup and her mother.

_My beautiful Prim, I love you so much. It isn't fair why they took you away. It should've been me instead. This is the mess that I've become but I will never forget all those times before. How you could cry and laugh at the same time, the happiness you get whenever you saved another life and grieve at the inevitable lost. Lady's first arrival and how she immediately fell mad for you, the goodnight kiss that she gave you in the form of a lick and your expression after that._

_You know that words had never been my forte, little duck. I love you. _


	5. Thoughts

_A/N: Here's a short chapter about what I think Peeta could be thinking when he was awaken by his own nightmares. Since Katniss was never awake by then, I'm pretty sure he must've his own private time to think about everything and other random stuff._

_And shoutout for this chap goes to Amy Stradust, Johanna rose, Nicoley117-TheBlueMartini and Mockinjay1804 for reviewing!  
_

* * *

Peeta froze as everything finally went black again and slowly lifted his eyelids as his paralyzed body immediately relaxed at the familiar warmth beside him. He turned to his sides so that he was facing her.

It was somehow amazing, to watch how alike the life of two-exact opposite- personalities could become, after getting tangled up in one hell of a messed up game with their unlikely odds.

Katniss Everdeen, the seventeen year old, strong and independent girl who had been the one and only head of her small family ever since her father's death and the blonde himself who had lived with one of the upper class merchant of their poor district, which wasn't much either.

It was just two names being called, three, to be exact, in addition of Prim Everdeen, the brunette's sister who was supposed to be the tribute from their district, but in exchange became another sacrifice for the war.

How painful it must be to lose someone you had protected your whole life, that too when the end was already so close that you could feel it coming.

He wouldn't know, their baker family would never experience that kind of bond being severed. The bond wasn't there to start with. Maybe it was there with his father but he wasn't really in a condition to grieve when he first came to the news.

The book that they made was already starting to grow thick, it started with those who were hardest to grasp in their memories, Prim, her father, his father, Rue, Cinna and then those lives who had gone right before their victory, Boggs, Finnick and the list goes on to an extent that even they lost count of it.

Not all were included, mostly because of how fast they just came and went away their lives that they realized they didn't know much about them. It really made him guilty for knowing almost nothing about a lot of people who died because of them, those who became a mere stepping stone for their freedom.

Katniss stirred and snuggled closer to his side, immediately gaining the artist's attention as he played with one of her braid's end. If he alone was already feeling this much guilt, he wondered how much more it was to her.

Being the center of a war with all that pointless destruction and deaths happening at the smallest steps she took and surviving two hunger games, when one was enough to kill someone's sanity. It was a wonder how she could still walk outside, how much of her own conscience she had killed when it could've marked every living in almost every district as victims.

Himself included.

Peeta Melark, one of the star crossed lover who was tortured and hijacked to break the other, Katniss Everdeen or more famously known as The Mockinjay, the rebellion's first and last symbol of hope.

As his mind drifted back to slumber, Peeta couldn't help but think if the woman beside him was there because he was one of the only victims she could atone to.

He wasn't going to mind, though. He was pretty sure it was okay for him to be a little selfish now.


	6. 23 years

_A/N: Another chapter made it through! I'm quite satisfied with this one but to be honest I'm a bit running low on ideas for this story so I'm just reminding you that I'm still accepting requests for this story. It can be any plot bunnies from the end of Mockingjay to the epilogue but not any pregnant scenes please, coz I know that I won't be able to stop once I start and I still really want to explore Peeta and Katniss as they build their relationship and lives again. I'm just one PM away!_

_And I just made a blog, two in fact! I know that Tumbler is more popular nowadays(it certainly is in my place, I don't know about other areas though) and blogger is so late but I'm going to be jobless for the next 3 month before uni starts so I decided that I'll write more nonfanfic stuff and post it there. Links are in my profile you can check it out and follow me if you want!_

_Shoutout goes to Nicoley117-TheBlueMartini, MsMellark, bookgroupie, Pandora1984 and ChildofNyxRJH for all the lovely reviews!_

_ChildofNyxRJH: I'm actually kinda okay with Liam Hemsworth as Gale but Josh Hutcherson as Peeta is certainly a big NO from me, especially with Jeniffer Lawrence as Katniss. I mean like, Josh Hutcherson has such a young (more like childish) face while Jeniffer Lawrence has that mature air all around her (which is perfect for Katniss!). Anyways, we can just wait for another...6 months? I'm ready to be disappointed though, I certainly hope I won't be._

* * *

Seeing geese trotting around the victor village's lawn was one thing and finding a grumpy and somehow sober Haymitch throwing around feeds at them was another shock her system couldn't shake off.

"What...are you doing?" Katniss walked over, eyes still slightly wide in disbelieve at what was taking place right across her house.

The drunkard barely looked up as he continued throwing at the poor poultries. "Haven't seen you for awhile, you look as good as new, sweetheart."

Katniss bit back a retort at her mentor's usual, mocking tone and sat as close to the older male as her conscience allowed her to instead. They haven't really met again since they went back to twelve and she was hoping that things could go back to how it used to be, as similar as possible, that is. And bickering with him like how they used to do wasn't on her plan...for now. "Since when did you start raising geese?"

"That's none of your business." He shrugged her off as his hands never cease to fidget with the bowl of pellets beside him.

"You ran out of liquor?" And that shut the older male for a moment.

"Peeta is really getting to you, huh?"

The brunette laughed bitterly as she looked up from the carefree birds to her house. "It's kind of hard not to let him affect you."Especially when you're practically living together.

Peeta had started visiting her on a regular basis and even accompanying her at unbearable nights again. It started out with extended stays after dinner and works on the memory book but at times they would succumb to the pleasure of one's company as they often do during the victory tour.

"They won't come back if you keep throwing feeds at them like that, Haymitch." Katniss finally stood up as the silent stretched and added before she started to walk away. "Join us for lunch and dinner. I bet getting your hands full with us would keep you sane again."

"Yeah, right, I've got enough of both of you for my entire life. Where are you going?" She heard him call back.

"There won't be food if I don't get them to the table!" The brunette waved her hand without looking back as she strode forward.

It felt amazing, how things were running again, even though she didn't keep track of how many months had passed. She had never imagined that things could go back to the way it was, but this was close enough. Peeta filled his days with baking while she hunt even though they were in no terms lacking food. It helped them stand on their own two feet, as Haymitch ironically drank to do the same.

The hours of darkness never changed, though, the only difference being that his arms were now most of the time there to help her up from her own torturous routine.

And it had brought the most significant change in her current never changing life.

* * *

It wasn't after two more days that Haymitch finally couldn't take it anymore. Days without the degrading liquid burning his stomach and nothing to do were slowly but surely killing his sanity and taking care of the geese didn't take much time from the start.

As dead as they had killed the Capitol, it wasn't a surprise that it would keep living in those lives that had been touched by them, especially those who didn't have their odds on their favor, thrown to the arena and more unfortunate enough to survive. Even after 26 years and Snow's death, he could still feel the rage and fear in his mind as if they were still watching him.

He still couldn't get rid of the hazardous habit of keeping a knife when he slept.

The alcohol deprived man arrived when Greasy Sae had just finished cooking dinner, while Peeta and Katniss were setting up the table.

"Katniss invited me...yesterday." He announced boringly at the others questioning gaze at his sudden appearance.

"I invited you two days ago." The brunette shrugged as she took another set of plate and placed it next to the blonde across her.

Dinner relatively went in silence, except for the eldest woman making small talks and trying to break the ice in vain.

"I'll be going out first, then. I've got other mouths to feed." She excused herself as the others were still halfway through their meals.

Katniss tried to look as normal as she could, ignoring the tension that she was sure could be sliced through with a knife as the clock ticks noisily and the great urge to chew on her lips instead of her food. The situation actually reminds her of their first breakfast together, when their mentor gave them their very first advice, which wasn't much, since it had been a common knowledge for her. And she suddenly found herself holding back a snicker.

She almost jumped at the sudden chuckle which broke the silence in the room, thinking that it was her who couldn't hold her straight face anymore.

"What?" Haymitch asked bitterly at the younger male beside him, who was letting out a full blown laughter by now.

"Nothing really...I just remembered that time when we first had our breakfast together." He answered as he calmed himself down and rubbed his eyes off any remnant of mirth.

"Here's some advice, stay alive." Katniss suddenly waved her fork at them and said with a somehow slurred and forced serious expression, trying her best to mimic Haymitch and ended up doing a better job than expected as she was finally not able to hold back her own laughter.

It was rather hard not to be nostalgic at their stage of lives now. With not even half of the usual people they used to see every day near them, it almost felt as if they were the last pairs of elder citizens who were left alive while the others had departed.

The brunette laughed in a un-lady like manner while the other males practically gawked at her sudden out of character outburst before Peeta joined in at her poor attempt of stopping the laughter which was starting to burn her sides and Haymitch let the corner of his lips curve upward in what resembled a smile for the first time in the hard, long years that he remembered.

It wasn't until about another five minute that the young duo managed to stop their laughter and instead, wisely chose to focus on their breathings as Haymitch asked in a bored voice. "Are you done?"

Both of them stifled a few other ha-has before Katniss managed to speak again. "You were such an asshole back then."

"Yeah, I really felt like punching your face at that time." The blonde added.

"Good for both of you then." The said man replied nonchalantly as he turned back to his meal.

* * *

After dinner which somehow took a better atmosphere after their laughing session, Peeta stayed at the kitchen to wash the dishes while Katniss and Haymitch sat on a pair of matching rockers in front of the warm hearth.

"Didn't your plant book used to be thicker, you let the pages fly or what?" The middle aged man asked bitterly as he directed his attention to the book which was on one of the table near them.

"It's a different book...You weren't that bad of a mentor, Haymitch. What happened all those years before us?" The question didn't come suddenly from Katniss. She had been thinking about it ever since they started the memory book and she had first hated him because she thought sector twelve's losing streak were caused by his incapability to mentor, the question came naturally after dinner's laughing stock refreshed her memories.

He opened his mouth to shoot back a witty remark but closed it again as nothing came to mind. At times like this he desperately hoped that he was at least drunk enough to justify whatever slipped out of his mouth. In that way, being a drunkard had served its purpose over the years and kept him alive. He mainly hated being sober because it makes him alert enough to think and analyze everything and what had he got from that? One crazy plan that had roused the whole rebellion back to track and pretty much ruined everyone's lives. Of course the capitol going down as well was worth all the trouble for him, but was it the same for the others?

"I gave up after a couple of years." The whole room fell silent except for the running water back at the kitchen, even the clattering dishes stopped as he added. "They never had the chance."

The silence stretched and Peeta continued his halted task at hand and Katniss asked again. "But many weren't from the seams."

"Being fit and fed daily doesn't mean you can survive the games. Both of you should know better than that."

The young couple couldn't fight a single word back and maintained the silence this time. They should know better than anyone else after all. In a place where you can starve to death in safety like district twelve, there were little chances that people ever knew how to survive in the wild. Katniss herself knew that she could've died countless times in the arena if she never knew how to hunt, being dehydrated was one thing and adding malnourishment wasn't going to be a pleasant combination. While Peeta had experienced his uselessness firsthand at his first game when the brunette practically breathed for him, what use could a baker be in the wild, he couldn't even frost animals to death.

The deep, orange fire crackled loud enough to make the trio jump. The blonde joined them after a moment and Haymitch suddenly found himself being handed the book that he had previously pointed out.

"We made this book for everyone, you can contribute if you want." The older male was hesitant for awhile before deciding that he had nothing to lose at hand. What did he mean by everyone?

Peeta and Katniss somehow find it amusing how their mentor's eye grew wide in shock and softened into amazement and wonder as he flipped through the pages, maybe because it was one of the rare times that Haymitch had ever displayed his true emotion to them or maybe they were just shocked at his relatively calm reactions tonight.

"You damn kids will never leave me alone, would you?" The younger duo finally smiled at his usual attitude and bored tone as he placed the heavy book on his lap before he started to weave his sad tale to the young lads with forced energy.

At times like this, the feel of normalcy escalates to new heights that they never thought was possible for their broken minds.

It was for moments like these that they could survive the darkest nights and personal times at their usual routines which had changed forever.

And if it wasn't for those pair of arms wrapping around her almost every night, she was sure that none of those moments would ever take place again in her pitiful life.


	7. Dreams

_A/N: Sorry sorry sorry sorry SORRY! _

_Shit I've been too caught up in my other story since its almost ending and then first semester of uni started! And I've been taking a break for 6 months too long and it was kind of hard to catch up, not to mention that I'm studying away from home._

_Forgive mehhh dear readers! I shall be more careful next time, and I've started posting previews in my blog when I can't update in a while so check them out in your free time._

_Shout outs to __ButterflyFlyToMe__, bookgroupie and hmweasley. Reviews are the best!_

_ButterflyFlyToMe__: Glad I can induce emotion with my writing! Nope, 23 years is how long Haymitch had been a mentor before Katniss and Peeta came._

_R&R_

* * *

"Katniss?"

Katniss realized that she was walking mechanically as she woke up from her daze and found herself in the woods. She didn't stop as if someone was leading her as she looked up and gazed at the familiar treetops, filtering the lazy sunrays that shimmered with the dancing leaves and wind.

The woods had always been crowded with trees than any other vegetation that she had ever seen, but it was never that dense to stop her from telling the time or her destination for as long as she could remember.

She could easily tell that it was past noon on an early spring day.

Her old self's favorite day.

"Katniss! Are you listening to me?" The brunette whipped her head to her side where her not-so-little sister's disapproving gaze was directed towards her and blinked uncertainly as if she was facing an odd sight.

This must be a dream then. Since she wouldn't bring Prim to the woods on a day like this, it would be a waste of a perfect hunting day." Of course, little duck." She said, before further adding at the blonde's obvious dissatisfied look. "What about the old cat?"

The corner of the younger girl's lips lifted up into that dazzling smile of hers that no one could ever help but love and Katniss had the sudden urge to hug and desperately keep her close. "I haven't seen Buttercup for a while."

"That old cat survived a bombing. I don't know what would kill him these days." The huntress remarked, letting a faint smile pass her lips as well and kept her eyes trained on her giggling sister as if their entwined hands weren't enough to keep a hold of her. As if her dear sister could run ahead and disappear into the thick foliage ahead, attacked by wild dogs, snakes or got caught by the invisible evil that had been constantly watching over them all their life that they never noticed. Lost and never to be found again.

"Oh, don't tease him, Katniss. He'd gone through a lot." Prim reprimanded as much as the smile plastered on her face allowed.

Then she didn't know if everything had happened so fast or if she was just paying too much attention to her sister's beautiful blue eyes. Rue's four note whistle rang through the air, loud and clear as if the whole population of mockinjays around her were whistling it, passing the small girl's greetings that she was alright. Prim transformed into the small, pinkish bird that she remembered and took off. And then nothing was there.

Nothing except the strong warmth of spring that lingered beside her, not even black.

And then there was another set of blue orbs watching her as usual. Awake and alert as if afraid that someone would whisk her away or change her into some kind of horrifying mutt in a blink of an eye.

"Hello." The brunette started lamely, earning a smile from the blonde beside her. "Can't sleep?"

"Yeah, just the usual." Peeta knew that he didn't need to elaborate at the nightmares going on in his head every night. "You seem calm tonight."

He didn't lay himself down from his watching position and started stroking her hair as if telling her to sleep again instead. There wasn't a questioning tone in his previous statement, but the brunette couldn't shake the feeling of humiliation at her selfishness. She always seemed to be willing, almost eager at times to share her bad dreams to him, when he rarely does, so what rights does she have for keeping the good ones to herself.

"There was Prim in the woods and she was worried about buttercup." The huntress started uncertainly, "And then Rue showed up and they flew together."

"She was worried about Buttercup?" The baker lifted a blond eyebrow and stopped his hands momentarily as if the question occupied his whole being to ask.

"I know, its weird. I mean, even I'm surprised that brute is still alive." Katniss huffed uncharacteristically.

It felt like she hadn't had a peaceful sleep in such a long time that she had forgotten that her body had the ability to conjure up some good dreams every once in awhile when bad became an understatement of her mental condition. And such a good opportunity had just been wasted by the old cat which she just noticed hasn't been showing up lately.

"Isn't it because they don't find the need to get worried over you again." The blonde who had stopped any movements and fell into deep thought himself startled his partner when he suddenly spoke again.

In between the fatigue that seemed to be weighing her ever since she started to start her old routines again and the delicious warmth from the baker beside her, it seemed like an impossible feat to keep her mind awake. "Don't ever leave." She snuggled and mumbled against his chest.

"I won't." The brunette almost missed her own words from the blonde's lips as she let her eyelids flutter close. "That's what you and I do. Protect each other."

"Always."


	8. Numb

_A/N: The movie is finally out! Honestly, I can point out a lot of thing that they can improve in the movie but you can't expect too much when its adapted from a book ==" so I really try to avoid complaining._

_Shout out to hmweasley and Defying. All. The. Odds for the lovely reviews! Here's the next chap!_

_R&R_

* * *

Peeta couldn't help but forget whatever he was doing and fix his eyes on the brunette standing a few feet away from him. She was hesitantly standing in front of the bushes of blooming evening primroses beside their house, indulging in her usual nervous habit of chewing her own lips.

He had first noticed her dark hair, tied back into her own braid and tucked inside her hunting jacket, giving him a good view of her beautiful face and light eyes which were rooted at the plant below her as if it would disintegrate with enough will power she could muster.

What was she doing?

The blonde could still remember the look she had first given him when she found him with those roses from the woods. The look of pure contempt before the huntress managed to school her expression and calmly acknowledge him.

It was actually quite a surprise to see her able to do all of that again. He was pretty sure that Katniss had lost it for real when he watched her during the trial.

And it wasn't those pitiful suicide attempts that convinced people of her lost sanity. It was the moment she started opening her mouth to produce those heart-wrenching songs that greatly disturbed him and the others. Even Haymitch couldn't come up with any of his infamous witty comments.

There was no greater irony than a Mockingjay who couldn't find her voice until she was broken.

The brunette squatted without warning, stretching the oversized jacket over her back. And the baker could easily imagine the visible contours of her spine and ribs under her now scarred, pale skin.

Peeta couldn't help but imagine how it would feel like, running his fingers on them when Katniss extended her hand as if the plants in front of her were some dying game waiting for her to submit to the law of natural selection.

Those evening primroses held a great meaning not only to her. Finding and cultivating those plants was the first productive thing that his mind allowed him to do while baking couldn't even help him when he first returned to district 12. It helped him heal a great deal of pain that his numb heart could still feel, as how he knew Prim would also do if the sweet girl made it home.

Peeta was torn in between stopping or letting her have that stress release that he thought she was looking for when she engulfed one budding stem into her hand. "Ka-" He shouted, before stopping himself when he noticed her other hand which was holding a scissor to the stem of the flower she was holding.

The thin stem was easily severed with a flick of those long fingers. Peeta immediately ducked back into his house and let out a long sigh of relieve when he heard his female neighbor's door open and shut close as if he was spying on her. He couldn't help but feel like he had just trespassed a private moment.

The blonde knew that he could never imagine the pain that she felt, watching her own sister died. He himself had lost his entire family, but he was never given the chance to properly grieve. Even until this very moment when everybody else had had a certain resemblance to their old life, Katniss included.

It really wasn't a shock to him when the news first came. After all that happened to him in the capitol, but all he could feel at that time was rage and nothing else. Blinding fury to the fire mutt that his adulterated mind was forced to believe as the greatest evil that had caused everything wrong in his life.

Anger then turned into a terrible case of confusion when nothing seemed as it is. And now he was numb.

Numb, to such an extent that all he could feel was the warmth from the brunette when she was right at his side.


End file.
